The big day is finally here. Many teens graduated from high school barely three months ago. Now, with the family car packed with dorm stuff, they head to their college move-in day. It’s a huge milestone. Yet, it is only the first of the events that families will face over the next four years. Here are some tips for parents supporting teens and college students’ transitions.
The college transition is one that teens and families worked toward, looked forward to, for 12 years. So, why does it feel so disturbing?
In most cases, teens headed for college do not represent a permanent farewell to parents. After all, most college kids return home several times a year, even if it feels like they only come home to do laundry. Parents should recognize, however, that having a teen in college is a huge disruption in the family’s life cycle. Leaving home for college is a significant change for teens, too.
Such significant personal changes may result in reactions that feel emotionally similar to grieving over a death in the family: denial, anger, depression, bargaining, and acceptance. Such changes, after all, mark the end of childhood and the beginning of new young adult experiences and independence for teens.
In this article, we’ll offer tools to help keep teens and their families balanced during what sometimes becomes a wild ride for everyone.
Remain Available for Consultations with College Teens
No matter how diligently a family prepares college-bound teens for their new life, stresses will occur. Teens must traverse sometimes uncomfortable social situations with total strangers from diverse socio-economic backgrounds and spiritual frameworks. College student anxiety means they may not always know what to do in each social situation. Teens may feel they are sailing in uncharted territory, without a compass. They may miss the comfort of their family’s knowledge base, of their parents’ moral structure.
Parenting teens means letting them know they can rely on their parents to listen to their questions, even more so after entering college. Leave the door open for college teens to initiate conversations with their parents about student life without judgment or recrimination. The parental challenge: No topic out of bounds, no matter how uncomfortable. They need you to help them navigate this new independence.
Managing Money in College
When parents think about college years, they envision their teens calling home for more money. While it may be tempting to supply money every time they ask, college presents a life lesson opportunity in budgeting. Whether the teen will work a part-time job while studying or get an allowance for the term, it is important to have the budget conversation before the teen heads to school. For example, parents should take advantage of the coming events to explain important financial concepts, such as:
- The family intends to pay for travel, school fees, tuition, room, and cafeteria expenses.
- The grocery allowance must cover buying food for that month, if not covered under the school’s meal plan.
- The student’s monthly allowance will cover other personal items.
- The student’s part-time job will cover entertainment, and how to budget for that, and
- Medical coverage while in school (including a mini-discussion of the insurance provider’s name, the type of coverage, and the importance of keeping the insurance card safe with the student, just in case).
Naturally, every family’s financial situation is unique, and the topics that form part of the budgeting discussion will reflect that reality. Remember: The goal is to bring the budding adult into the family’s financial discussions, so they acquire the skills that will serve them best when they go out on their own after college.
Check on School Year Mental Health
Checking on your teen’s school-year mental health is challenging now that they are in college. Even if the student attends a local college and lives at home, their busy schedule means you will see them less than was customary. And, of course, they may share less about their days with you than when they were in elementary or high school.
College-age kids are less likely to report their levels of stress until the level is off the charts. Parents need to watch for signs of emotional turmoil, such as:
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Bipolar disorders
- Eating disorders
- PTSD
Teen depression may take various forms. The teen may become sadder, crying at odd times, or angry over trivial events. They may feel hopeless. Above all, they will exhibit a loss of interest in their favorite sports or other activities. They may focus on failures or exhibit feelings of low self-esteem.
Teens become anxious about personal things, such as their bodies or school work, exams, or new social situations. College student anxiety may result from a new level of independence when some students turn to inappropriate coping mechanisms, such as substance abuse. The signs of college student anxiety may be difficult for parents to recognize, but every college student’s health depends on their school-year mental health checks.
There was a time when the rule of thumb was the freshman 15, meaning college freshmen gained 15 pounds from college food and excess snacks. Eating disorders, however, comprise behaviors that harm a student’s health and impact the ability to function. Eating disorders can negatively impact every organ of the body.
Symptoms to watch for are:
- Weight loss
- Excessive exercise
- Using the bathroom right after eating
- Rules around eating
- Eating food secretly
Eating disorders are often caused by stressful events and life transitions. They may be the result of personalities or genetics. Some eating disorders relate to a pre-existing psychiatric condition.
Early medical treatment, with psychological support, is important for recovery from eating disorders. Parental emphasis on healthy habits and good nutrition, rather than a change in body image, is also critical.
Bipolar disorders are a form of mental illness that causes extreme mood swings. These mood shifts can last for days or weeks. College students may exhibit common signs of the mania phase by talking excitedly, having racing thoughts, showing reckless behaviors, and being silly or overly happy.
Symptoms of the depressive mood swing include sadness, loneliness, and sleeping too much. The bipolar student may isolate from other people and eat too much or too little.
If a parent recognizes bipolar symptoms in a college student, they should seek professional mental health assistance right away.
The medical profession defines traumatic events as those that result in or threaten death or injury. Most college students who are exposed to potential traumatic events do not develop Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). The effects of PTSD, however, are associated with school dropout, negative health issues, and psychiatric disorders. So, understanding some of the symptoms is important. They are:
- Nightmares
- Flashbacks
- Panic attacks
- Inability to make decisions
- Difficulty sleeping
- Avoiding people or situations that trigger memories of the event
- Suicidal thoughts
Emerging on the other side from PTSD requires mental health treatment. If you recognize these symptoms in your college student, contact us immediately.
Parental Support for Special Needs Students
Whether a college student has a medical issue, such as Type 1 Diabetes, or learning challenges like ADHD, parental support during college years is paramount.
Chances are that a special needs student’s parents are aware of the child’s individual needs long before college. While they are living at home, the job is easier to monitor. In the best-case scenario, the child has learned over the years how to follow their own medical and mental health protocols.
The challenge for parents of college-bound students with special needs is determining when to allow their child to experience independence and when, in the interest of their health, the parent must step in.
Parenting college-age teens means walking a fine line between monitoring health needs and not asking too many questions. For example, teens who are on pharmaceutical regimens must understand the dangers of skipping doses and combining alcohol and other drugs with their prescribed medicines.
Parents can’t protect their children from everything in their new semi-independent life but they can ask open-ended questions aimed at helping students remember the lessons they’ve taught them over the years.
Keep the Home Lines of Communication Open
College students keep busy schedules. They may juggle their class schedule along with a part-time job and extracurricular social activities. Writing home to their parents or even phone calls may be far down on their to-do list.
Teens and college transitions go hand in hand. Give your teen the time and space they need to mature. College students require a little latitude that lets them face new challenges and come out victorious. So long as they know that the family door is always open, they eventually return to their home base – even if it is to do that laundry.
Latitude does not mean, however, that the family cannot send reminders of their caring. Cards, text messages, voice mail: “Just a note to say thinking of you; call when you take a breather.” These small tokens can mean the world on a bad day. They also say “we miss you” without those exact words.
Looking Ahead
If you or someone you love seeks guidance with college student anxiety or parenting teens in general, we invite you to contact us today. Refinery Counseling Services will structure a therapy program based on your family’s personal goals and needs.
