Every human being experiences grief at some point in their lifetime. Grief means coping with a loss. No matter what geographic location you live in, no matter what language you speak, no matter the religion, regardless of societal boundaries. Loss and grief find everyone.
Most people experience grief more than once. Some people first taste grief at an early age. Others face their first loss in their teen years or later.
If asked, most people associate grief with a loss through death. The truth is, though, there are many types of grief. There are as many types of grief as there are types of loss. Each person’s grieving process is unique to them. The types of grief are just as unique to the aggrieved person as the type of loss that started the process.
What Causes Grief to Enter Someone’s Life?
Grief comes into human lives after an event that disrupts their sense of normality. Grief makes the stricken person re-examine their sense of what is normal from the point of loss forward.
People may experience a loss due to death, but there are more non-death losses than death losses. Listed below are examples of losses:
- Death of family members, friends, business partners, or pets
- Loss of career or employment
- Loss of routine
- Loss of good health
- Loss of Youth
- Loss of a dream, a goal
- Loss of marriage, friendship, or business partnership
- Loss of sound finances
- Loss of the ability to conceive
- Loss as people age or face terminal illness.
How Long Is the Typical Grieving Period?
The American Psychological Association says that the typical grieving period lasts between six months and 2 years. It is important to remember, however, that the grieving period is unique to each person. Each person has their time limits for grieving. So, there is no typical grieving period.
The truth is that people never finish grieving a loss. They absorb the loss and the grieving into their life story.
Is Grief the Same for Everyone?
No. Take a moment to absorb a bit of grief education. Therapists tell patients that they divide the types of grief into six distinct categories: Anticipatory, Aggravated, Delayed, Inhibited, Cumulative, and Collective.
- Anticipatory refers to grieving that occurs before the actual loss. This happens when a family member suffers from a terminal illness or has a form of dementia, such as Alzheimer’s. Anticipatory grief helps prepare the family for the eventual loss.
- Sometimes a person moves through the grieving process very quickly. This is known as an Abbreviated grieving, due to its different timing than what people normally expect.
- Some people grieve for the first time months after the actual loss. Thus, the type of grief is known as Delayed. It sometimes happens when the loss is sudden or unexpected.
- Inhibited grieving occurs when the person suffering the loss does not allow themselves to feel their emotions. Inhibited grieving can result in harm to the body, such as anxiety, headaches, stomachaches, or panic attacks.
- Cumulative grieving applies when a person experiences multiple losses at the same time. Cumulative events make the grieving process much more difficult to process.
- Collective grieving typically occurs in the aftermath of major natural disasters or horrendous events, such as school shootings or the COVID pandemic. Society grieves the loss of normality.
So, What Does Grieving Look Like?
Because the grieving process is unique to each person, it may be difficult to know what it looks like for someone in your social circle. Suffice it to say that grief affects people in mind, body, and soul. That means there are physical symptoms, emotional symptoms, and changes in behavior that may bear watching.
Grief often causes a physical overload from stress. The physical symptoms may include:
- Headaches
- Heart palpitations
- Stomach problems, like nausea and vomiting
- Extreme tiredness
- Not sleeping enough
- Sleeping too much
- Unable to settle, restlessness
- Chest tightness or pain
- Muscle weakness
- Changes in appetite
- Joint pain
Grieving sometimes comes in waves. Just when a person thinks they have finished the grieving process, the grief unexpectedly hits again. Other people may feel no grief. At other times, they feel extremes from sadness to anger to joy.
Emotional symptoms may include:
- Sad, but relieved because the deceased no longer suffers
- Guilty because the caregiver feels relief at no longer having to care for the deceased
- A range of feelings may surround the death of someone with whom a person had a complex relationship
Whatever emotions a grieving person feels are normal. Emotions may run the gamut of guilt, anger, sadness, regret, and even apathy. The grieving process should validate those emotions so that the person may heal from the loss.
Grieving is such an all-encompassing feeling that it can result in behavior changes, such as:
- Confusion
- Inability to make decisions
- Feeling hopeless
- Lost direction
- Finds it difficult to focus on anything
- Difficulty with memory and keeping track of responsibilities.
When Grief Becomes More Complicated
Sometimes grief evolves into something more complex. The complications may result from any type of loss. When it does, the grieving process may last a long time and interfere with daily life.
Complicated grieving may happen if a person is in denial of loss or grief. That is why therapists call this stage Absent Grief.
A second category of complicated grief is known as Ambiguous Grief. Extended grieving may result from a loved one’s presumed death, where authorities did not recover the body. A loved one may have Alzheimer’s or another form of dementia. This feels like a death because the person is no longer the same in the mind or personality, but the body is still there. The loved one feels unreachable.
Grief may feel particularly lonely when society does not see the loss as valid. This happens with the loss of same-sex partners or pets. This solitary grieving process is known as Disenfranchised Grief.
The final category is Traumatic Grief. Traumatic grief occurs when a person suffers a loss and a traumatic event at the same time. The person will need counseling for the trauma (PTSD, perhaps) itself and then for grieving the initial loss. For example, suppose a wife watches river flood waters drag her husband away from their car, and he drowns trying to save her during a horrific flood. The wife needs to grieve the loss of her husband, but she also needs counseling for the traumatic event she watched unfold.
How to Know If Grief Is Complicated
Grief counselors say that they consider grieving complicated or prolonged if, after a year past the loss, the grieving person:
- Does not believe the death or loss happened
- Shuns reminders that the death or loss happened
- Feels like part of themselves is dead or lost
- Still feels excruciating emotional pain that interferes with daily activities
- Feels like life has no meaning
- Feels emotionally dead
- Can not make decisions about life
- No longer enjoys favorite activities
Coping with Grief Means Taking Care of Yourself
Prepare Yourself Body, Mind, and Soul
It takes a lot of stamina, flexibility, and faith to counter the stressful effects of the grieving process. Eating a healthy diet of whole grains, fruits, and vegetables provides the body with the energy it needs. A regular sleep schedule enhances the mind’s ability to stay flexible. Daily prayer helps the soul and spirit understand that you are not alone in this personal battle. Remember: Self-care for the body, mind, and soul is crucial.
Maintain Routines
Keeping to daily routines gives a sense of control over the chaos of loss. The loss of routines makes people feel out of balance. Daily set times for meals, exercise, and prayer restore a feeling of normalcy in times of personal loss.
Do Not Deny Emotions.
Whenever feelings erupt, let them come. Accept them, move through them. It is the only way to complete the grieving process.
Ask for Help
Reach out to family, friends, and the faith community. Loss and grieving may make feelings of loneliness and being alone paramount in the mind. Family, friends, and the comfort of your faith community are the greatest weapons to prevail against loneliness that arises during the grieving process.
Visit a Therapist
Everyone needs help and guidance through turbulent times. Individual or group grief therapy provides a community that understands the difficult choices that attend grief. Therapy reinforces the idea that you are not alone.
Take the Next Step to Move Forward
If you or someone you care about seeks professional counseling to move through the grieving process, please contact us today. Schedule a consultation with one of our experienced counselors. Your therapist will listen to your situation and guide you toward the best possible path for you.
Refinery Counseling Services will design a personal grief counseling plan based on your goals and needs. Whether individual or group therapy suits your needs best, we stand ready to listen and guide your journey.
